Here are some true damn Tom Waits facts for you:

• Every weekday morning, too damn early, we wake up to “New Coat of Paint,” off of Heart of Saturday Night.
• Which, by the way, was the first damn Waits album I ever owned. Bought it before some of my readers could legally drink.
• Some nights, when it’s very late and the wife’s asleep and I’m feeling glum, I’ll grab a bottle of whiskey. I’ll pour a shot, slug it, and listen to “Martha,” off of Closing Time. Then I’ll pour another shot and do the same damn thing. I might do that now, even though I’m not glum.
• Speaking of Closing Time, here’s something funny. Waits did a song called “Ice Cream Man.” Van Halen did a song called “Ice Cream Man.” Same damn song. Lyrically, I mean. Ever notice that?
• When I was in grad school, I was in a coffee shop one night. Studying with the girl I was seeing; we were regulars, so the staff was familiar. The shop was playing Mule Variations, and the song “Hold On” came on. Our favorite damn barista was singing along, and when he got to, “You don’t meet nice girls in coffee shops,” he sang it to us and we all laughed. Couple weeks later, she broke up with me.
• I know a girl with Maxwell House eyes, marmalade thighs, and scrambled yellow hair. She ain’t no damn waitress, though.