I weep for the future

Today’s New York Post describes 25 Things Every New Yorker Should Know, and I certainly can’t argue with most of them. You should know how to swipe a MetroCard, make an egg cream, work a room, or befriend your bodega guy. But item 16…oh my.

Look, just–

Look. Every New Yorker should know how to make a perfect Manhattan. I don’t care if you’re only 10 years old, you should know how to make a Manhattan. Why did mommy and daddy bring you into this world except to stir them up a cold drink? But don’t take your cues from the Post, fergodsake:

16 How to make a perfect Manhattan

One Little West 12’s beverage director Bernie Bernstein says you can make a Manhattan the normal way or the perfect way. “The key difference,” he says, “is the regular uses sweet vermouth and the perfect uses both sweet and dry. To me the perfect is the greatest Manhattan there is; it just makes the bourbon that much smoother.”

Step one: Fill the shaker three-quarters full with ice.

Step two: Pour in 2 ounces bourbon – preferably Woodford Reserve.

Step three: Pour in three-quarters of an ounce of sweet vermouth. Then pour in same amount of dry vermouth.

Step four: Add 3 dashes of bitters, then a dash of maraschino cherry juice.

Step five: Put a pint glass on the top and shake vigorously for 20 seconds or until the shaker is cold with a slight frost.

Step Six: Strain the drink into a martini glass and garnish with a pristine cherry.

So right, and yet still somehow so wrong. Use rye, stir it, and skip the fuckin’ cherry juice. What is this, a Slurpee?

3 thoughts on “I weep for the future

  1. What do you expect from a Meatpacking District restaurant? It’s ALL about style and no friggin’ substance. Cherry juice?! Jesus…….

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